Big Honkin’ Chewy Cookies with Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chips

Greetings, cookielytes.

Tonight’s InsomniBaking is brought to you less by insomnia and more out of the plan to not-fall-asleep-at-9:30-so-I-don’t-wake-up-at-5am.  So it’s more of a StayAwakingBaking.   I should also point out that I am, as always, attempting to soothe the ravenous Yeti of Rage that surfaces for us all from time to time when we read emails we shouldn’t first thing in the morning.  Thus the tagline for this blog, “Baking soothes the savage beast”.

I’ll be using this recipe from Allrecipes.com, a surprisingly great resource.  I’ve been making these cookies for eons, and it’s riDONKulously adaptable.  Over the years, I’ve thrown in oatmeal, raisins, potato chips, pecans, cashews, and, on one truly memorable occasion, white and dark chocolate covered pretzels.  The secret is the box of instant vanilla pudding, which keeps these puppies soft and chewy for days on end.  Once upon a time, I was “seeing-but-not-in-a-relationship” with a boy for months and months.  Despite all my feminine wiles, he just wouldn’t commit.  After a batch of these cookies with a cup of oatmeal and dark chocolate chunks mixed in, we were going steady.

If asked to determine my level of excitement, it would be "high to nuclear"

(In the interests of full disclosure, we had a fairly spectacular breakup just months later, but by then the relationship had transitioned from “fondly snuggling and cookie baking” to “whiskey chugging and furniture breaking”.  I highly recommend sticking to the former if you’re hoping to make a relationship stick.  Trust crazy lady baking cookies by herself on a Saturday night on this one.)

And now– the great baking adventure!

1. Whilst I’ve been blogging away, I pre-heated my oven to 375 degrees, and let two sticks of butter soften up.  Awwwwww, yeah.
2. I took that there softened butter and cream it together with 3/4 of a cup of brown sugar and 1/4 cup white sugar.  I used dark brown sugar, because that’s just how I roll.
3. Did I mention that I creamed the butter and sugar by hand?  I’m glad I’ve been working out my biceps today.  However, it’s all worth it for the ever-elusive Domestic Goddess points.
4. To the butter and sugar I added one 3.5 ounce package of instant vanilla pudding, two eggs, and a lil’ squirt of vanilla extract.  Awwwwwwwww, yeah.
5. Then I mixed in 2 and 1/4 cup flour and one teaspoon baking soda.
6. My batter seemed a little stiffer than usual (“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”), so I mixed in tablespoon or two of half-and-half.
   

   "Back, back foul beast!"

7. Then, I busted out my secret weapons.  A cup each of dark chocolate chips and peanut butter chips.  Fucking yes.  The Ravenous Yeti of Rage is powerless against a person mixing these ingredients into a bowl of cookie batter.
8. I had to take a few moments to decide whether or not to eat the entire batch of cookie dough.  The promise of cookies-to-come-later won out and I made ready to spoon those babies onto a cookie sheet.
9. I decided to go for  Sport Utility Vehicle-sized cookies, and spoon them into my cookie sheet / parchment paper using a 1/4 cup measure.
   

   I like big cookies and I cannot lie. You other bakers can't deny.

10. Before putting them into the oven, I realized something that had literally never occurred to me before– this recipe has no salt.  What the heck?  Frankly, I think every recipe needs salt.  Salt and chocolate is clearly tops.  What were you thinking, recipe?
11. I took out the ol’ sea salt mill and gave a couple twists over the cookies before they went into the oven.
12. Holy crap, my house smelled amazing. You guys totally should have come over to my house and smelled how amazing it was.  No joke, if we put Congress in a room with these cookies, that’s an end to partisan politics right there.  Boehner would stop crying if he smelled what I smelled.  Yes, they’re that great.
    
13. This particular batch needed longer than the requisite 10-12 minutes the recipe called for, but again, I made Gigantic Monster Cookies.  I was willing to be patient.  I hear it’s a virtue.
14. Once out of the oven, the cookies need some time to cool down and firm up.  Like me, you must restrain yourself from gobbling these up instantly.  1) They will fall apart and 2) you will burn the crap out your mouth, leaving you sad and cookie-less. 
     
    

    Like your childhood, only better.

Verdict:  Imagine how you might feel if Daniel Craig came over to your house and told you that he had quit the movie business and wanted to live out the rest of his days, stroking your hair, lounging on beaches, making sweet, endless love and oh, by the way, would you like this box of puppies?  That would feel almost as good as these cookies taste.

The ravenous Yeti of Rage is but a faint memory as I settle into some good ol’ fashioned Netflix streaming, one of these babies, and a mug of milk.

Sweetest of dreams to everyone.