Chocolate-Covered Caramelized Matzoh Crunch

Greetings, my followers!!

Tonight finds me sitting calmly inside perfect storm of baking conditions; I have an event tomorrow, I’ve done my laundry, and I’m full of Deep, Deep Feeeeelings.

It’s been a long week for your Insomnibaker.  A dear, dear friend was in a horrific motorcycle accident at the beginning of this week.  Thankfully, he’s going to live, and he’s going to walk.  But when friend is hurt, it stirs up a lot more of those primal fears than I care to experience regularly. And there’s essentially nothing I can do, other than bake and pray.  I’m going to be able to visit him in a few weeks, which is a blessing. But it’s left me feeling vulnerable, terrified, and sad.

Today was also a big day for the Insomnibaker as she continues to patch up some of the wreckage of her past life.  It’s a long, slow process, and an emotionally draining one.

So baaaaaaasically, the sum total of today’s activities has created the following emotional state . . . .

. . .  hold me?

Tomorrow is also Erev Pesach (the night before Passover, for those Gentiles reading this), so I thought something tasty that used Matzoh would be in order.  Though if you ask me, there’s not a whole heck that uses Matzoh and is tasty at the same time. Fortunately, I found a recipe that takes this tasteless waste of flour and soaks it in butter and sugar, then covers it in chocolate.  It comes courtesy of the incomparable David Leibovitz.  Read on!!

  1. Start by preheating the oven to 375.  Assemble your arsenal of ingredients . . .butter, sugar, bittersweet chocolate, and Matzoh.

    Chocolate + sea salt = Happy

  2. Prep the pan by taking a baking sheet and covering it in foil so that there is enough overhang on the side to catch all the delicious toffee you’ll be pouring into it.  Then cover the foil with parchment paper.  Or don’t whatever.
  3. But you really should.
  4. Lay out the Matzoh in a single layer (I used mini-Matzohs, but it’s not important).
  5. Shudder at the memories of all the Goyim that went nuts for the stuff back in elementary school.  Back when I was but a young Insomnibaker, I attend a public school with a fairly large Jewish population.  My family didn’t keep Kosher, Passover or no, but every spring my school cafeteria was littered with pre-teens munching on PB&J on Matzoh.  What I could never understand, was that some of the people crunching away weren’t Jewish.  That’s right– there were kids eating Matzoh when they didn’t have to.  For the love of all that’s good why?!?!
  6. In a heavy pan over high heat, melt 1 cup of butter together with 1 cup of brown sugar.  Stirring continuously, let it melt completely and start to boil.
  7. Allow it to boil for a full 3 minutes, stirring the whole time.  It will thicken and smell wonderful.

    Behold my tray of total tastelessness!

  8. Add a generous pinch of sea salt and a glug of vanilla extract, but don’t stop stirring.  Please, please don’t stop stirring.
  9. Stop stirring.
  10. Pour the mixture immediately over the matzoh, and spread it around with a heat-proof spatula.
  11. Lower the oven temperature to 325, and then put your pan in there.  It will bubble up (watch to make sure it doesn’t start smoking.  Smoking is awfully bad for your health), and smell wonnnnnnderful.
  12. After removing the pan, pour 1 cup of chopped bittersweet chocolate (I used more than the recipe called for, a 9 ounce block of Schaffern Berger deliciousness).  You can also use chocolate morsels.  Let stand for 5 minutes.
  13. After 5 minutes are up, spread the now-melted chocolate with a spatula.  Try to resist the temptation to eat this now.  It is too hot to eat now.
  14. Seriously, let it cool.
  15. I added another sprinkling of Hawaiin Red sea salt, because that’s how I roll.
  16. Once it’s all cooled and amazing, break into large pieces and serve to a hungry public.

BEHOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLD!!!!

Verdict:  Holy mother of pearl!! This may be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  Buttery, sugary, salty, crispity, crunchity, chocolatey deliciousness.  You can’t even tell it’s Matzoh underneath all that wonderful toffee flavor (for some strange people, this may be a bad thing.  These people should not be trusted).

It should also be noted, I may not have waited for this batch to cool entirely, so I may be griping tomorrow about how the chocolate doesn’t set properly.  In the meantime though, my fingers are covered in butter and chocolate, and my soul will be at peace.

I think I will be able to sleep easy now.

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About sleeplessbaker

Your average world traveling, ukulele playing, bawdy songwriting, Muppet loving, curve-rocking, formerly drunk-ass actor-singer-model-producer-blogger on a quest to get a handle on life-skills she should have learned in elementary school.
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One Response to Chocolate-Covered Caramelized Matzoh Crunch

  1. Ruth says:

    Reading this reminds of how we tried to be creative in college with all the Matzoh being served in the dining halls. Matzoh salad, matzoh scrambled eggs, whatever we could cook in a microwave…but nothing ever as stupendous as what you’ve created here — just reading your description makes my mouth water!

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